Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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