fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He passed out mid-signature
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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