that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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