I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Ketchup is God's man juice
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
