i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
