It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
