how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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