Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
