All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
