I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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