You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
