you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
