i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you win again, gameday.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
