That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
