I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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