I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
