New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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