Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
