he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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