Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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