everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
