its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
