in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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