I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
