How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
