i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
