he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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