I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
