What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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