just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
