Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I deserve to be covered in dicks
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
