I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
