my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Randomize
