I'm going to jail i love you
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
