well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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