I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
