Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
