Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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