Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
