I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just cut my nipple shaving
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
