She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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