Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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