I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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