im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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