Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
