The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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