Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
