Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
