Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I wish you could order shots online.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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