who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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