she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
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Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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