I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
