Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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