Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Success! We fucked roommates!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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