I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
