We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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