Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize