Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
